6th Grade

Another year of a smooth beginning and happy to have some friends in classes. There wasn’t much to worry about as new things go, only new teachers and that doesn’t seem to bother Calista. As usual, there are many class presentations that come up and the anxiety of being called on when teachers use random ways of picking students.  Why do teachers do this?! This gives anxiety to EVERY student not just ones with social anxiety. So once in a while I send a nice email reminding the teachers of Calista and almost always, they have pulled her name out or skip her when her name comes up.  Knowing this eases Calista’s mind and lowers her anxiety so she can focus on what they are supposed to be learning. On a side note, I feel like I should research this problem of randomizing vs learning outcome.  I just can’t imagine this is a best practice and there is much evidence of greater learning to support this technique.   

Anyways….

We did decide at the year before that the kids would be riding the bus home instead of being a car rider.  I spent many hours in the pick-up lines between two schools and this also makes it easier if I can’t get the kids, they always have a ride home.  Neither of them was excited about this and both were worried.  It actually worked out that another girl was also going to be riding the bus home for the first time and lived near so they would be in this adventure together.  I know this helped Calista a lot having a plan in place on the first day of school.  The girls would meet at her locker and walk together to find the right bus and be able to sit together.  At first Calista hated the bus! She complained at how loud it was with all the kids. After a few days she got used to this and her stop was the second from the school so she was only on the but about five minutes.  It ends up, of course, she knows many of the other kids that ride her bus and sits with one of her good buddies.  She even decided it would be ok to ride the bus on days she needs to bring her instrument home!

 

One of her biggest achievements this year has been in gymnastics. Calista tried out for the gymnastics team along with a friend from her class. Trying out made Calista very anxious.  She had to perform certain tricks on the floor, bars and beam in front of other girls trying out, parents watching their kids and the coaches.  Having her friend with her was a great support and was relieved that her coach was helping with the tryouts. Both her and her friend made the team. The decision to be on the team was not easy for her as she has performance anxiety.  I tried to encourage her to give it a try and talked to her about what I thought the competitions would be like.

Her first competition was at her home gym which took away thefactors of anxiety of not knowing what the gym would look like or where the spectators would be sitting. She was very nervous with lots of butterflies in her stomach.  She planned a time and place to meet her friend before the competition so they could walk in/ down together to find their team and coaches.  I have to say, she is getting better at planning ahead and knows this helps reduce her anxiety by taking away as many factors ahead of time that she can control. I was nervous for her too, not knowing how she would do and hoping she would be able to cope enough to compete.  She has never had a failure similar to this before but I worry, as her support, about how I can help her to keep having successful situations. There were many gymnasts there and several gyms so when it came to award time, I was hoping she would at least get one.  However, I also thought she was going to hate getting an award because she would have to go up in front of everyone (hundreds of people, parents, coaches, gymnasts) and possibly stand on a podium.  It ended up she metaled in every event and getting first place in two events and first place All-Around! My heart was so full and proud of her! She loved every minute of it and couldn’t wait until the next competition.

Her season is almost over and she has been doing an excellent job, growing socially as well as athletically. Gymnastics is such a great outlet for her to gain confidence and have so much fun! I love to see her interacting with the different coaches and gymnasts at practices. I don’t think I’ll ever be less proud of her for talking, it makes me happy every time!

 

Some are such little things but I know how each one of these is a big deal to her and takes energy and bravery to overcome.  I don’t think I know a stronger willed person.

Middle School (Yikes!)

Transiting to middle school went fairly easy for Calista.  She was able to meet a couple of her teachers in the days before school.  She loves having a locker and the freedom of hanging out in the hallways and chatting with friend.  She even wants to get to school almost 30 minutes before the bell so she can hang out with friends.

Another adjustment for Calista was having to switch to a new gymnastics class.  The middle school was getting out later so we had to choose a different day and time.  She did a great job making new friends in the class, still missing her old buddies but the teacher was the same so that helped.

One hiccup was the assistant principal calling her aside from her lunch friends to tell her she had a dress code violation and was not supposed to be wear her sleeveless shirt (happens to be the one pictured above).  Needless to say she was very embarrassed to be singled out.  This was a HUGE problem for me and could be an entire large post on it’s own so I will leave it at that.  I was shocked that the assistant principal would do such a thing to someone with SM and made sure to bring this mistake to his attention and at our annual IEP meeting.  This was exactly one of the things I was worried about when starting a new school with new staff.  So far all of Calista’s teachers have been wonderful and open to my suggestions when Calista has made me aware of an anxiety provoking situation. Many of which are just how teachers call on students at random using Popsicle sticks or something else so we come up with an alternative plan for her.  This technique gives Calista so much unnecessary anxiety. I have also been very surprised at how many speeches and presentations she has had to give.  I have lost count  but in the picture below Calista is painting a visual aide for a speech in her humanities class.

Orchestra has also been a  new experience for her.  Having to be in a concert on a stage is something she had very big worries about! After getting the schedule and seeing she had 5 of them in the school year, I got worried! Her orchestra teacher is great!  He loves jokes and tells them all the time which is right up Calista’s alley.  She even raised her hand in class one of the first weeks of school and told him a joke! He called me to share this with me, which I was grateful. As for the concerts, she has two under her belt and did great!  She plays the viola and before each concert she has asked to be sitting (hiding) in the back.  So we don’t really get to see her but oh well.

Another crazy thing that happen was during a school convocation.  Calista gets very nervous in large crowds and does’t like loud noises.  So she wasn’t’ sure she wanted to attend the convo.  Her guidance councilor gave her the option to hang out in her office instead.  Calista went to her office while her class headed to the gym for the convo, however she changed her mind.  So she had to go to the gym and find her class all by herself, which I think would be hard for anyone let alone someone with anxiety.  She found her class and of all things she had her name drawn out of a fish tank of eagle cash tickets (raffle tickets when you are caught doing something good).  What are the chances! So she was chosen along with three other students to be on a team to participate in a challenge against a couple other student teams and teacher teams.  They played a silly game of spin with your nose on a bat then get dressed in eagle shorts and jersey relay.  She came home from school and told me about this and her councilor emailed me this:

”  I wanted to share something positive with you.  We had a PBIS Recognition Ceremony today in the gym with our 5th and 6th graders.  This ceremony was to recognize students for Making Great Choices throughout the 1st quarter.  Prior to the ceremony, I touched base with Mrs. Sukova to see if Calista wanted to attend.  She did attend and was recognized during the ceremony.  Students who were chosen were given the chance to participate in an activity versus the teachers (i.e. cup stacking, Jenga, or a relay).  The staff asked Calista if she wanted to participate and she said yes.  During the relay, Calista did not stop smiling and cheered on her team the entire time.  It was great to see her having so much fun and I wanted to share this with you. ”

I also found a video of it on twitter. She is the one in the middle under the basketball hoop with a back vest and white sleeves.

Are you dizzy yet?? Just some shenanigans here @zwmsnews. pic.twitter.com/wXk3Qxjgvo

— Lori Cummings (@lacummings2015) October 30, 2017

There have been more hurdles this year than last but that was expected. Each year keeps getting better and better and seeing how Calista enjoys school and the social aspects of it fills my heart!

4th Grade

I have been very behind on my posts but have a long list of things that I have noted over the year or so that I need to write about.  So I will try to summarize some of the highs and lows.

Fourth grade has come and gone.  Calista’s last year at her elementary school.  Preparing academically and mentally for middle school.  I think it was one of her most successful years.  She did an awesome job not having her BFF in class with her and made many new friends and building confidence.

One of the big field trips for the 4th graders is an overnight at Camp Tecumseh.  Of course I had to go along but was not needed all the time.  Calista did have a harder time participating in each station that was parent run and therefore unaware of Calista’s anxiety.  This was a lot of pressure along with a lot of unknowns.  Overall she did a wonderful job and discovered she loves walking on stilts!

Another big project was a “How to” speech.  I encouraged Calista to talk about how to do something that she already knew how to do so you don’t have to learn how to do something new and try to give a speech on it.  She choose how to make an altered book.  Something we do from time to time at home so we had plenty of ideas and examples to fill the entire 3-5 minutes that were required. Calista was given the option to give her speech alone to  her teacher instead of in front of the class but opted not to do that as it made her stand out even more as being different.  One thing Calista did want to do was pick when she gave her speech.  I think if I remember right she choose to go 3rd on the 2nd day of speeches.  She told me this gave her a day to see how others did and still got it over before everyone else.  Giving her this control has proven to be very good for her and a simple thing  to do not compromising the assignments’ expectations.  She rocked it getting all the points and her peers were very interested in the subject!

As for outside of school, Calista had her first sleepover at a neighbors house and then a couple more after that at her BFF’s house.  She is verbally communicating with everyone in these other families too, moms, dads, bothers, and sisters.

One of the biggest projects in the 4th grade is a famous Hoosiers wax museum.  The kids choose a famous Hoosier, study them, dress up like them and present their info as a wax museum speech.  Calista choose to study Amelia Earhart.  Again for her speech in front of the class she was given the choice to pick her day and order of when she wanted to go.  As for the day of the was museum she was able to choose her location in the gym.  Giving her these simple things to control eases her anxiety.  She was still very nervous but what kid isn’t’? Parents, grandparents, etc were invited.  Calista did not want anyone but Mike, her brother and I to come.  I did however invite her first speech therapist who worked with her from pre-k (age 3) through Kindergarten without telling Calista.  I don’t think she even remembers to much about her. Anyways, Calista did her speech for many parents that day! By the end she was sick of learning about Amelia Earhart…..

Graduation from 4th grade and elementary school! At the beginning of the year Calista did not want to attend graduation.  She gets very anxious anytime she is in a large crowd of people.  When that time rolled around she did not mention anything about it so we went with it. Sometimes it’s hard to find a balance of talking about things but not creating more anxiety about it by bringing up the subject.   Over the years, I have figured out Calista likes to talk about things during our nightly tuck in time.  She seems to open up more and share things in the comfort of her bed. Her teacher contacted me about how to handle an award she was going to be getting.  I talked to Calista about how the graduation would work and how they would be recognizing kids for many different reasons.  She didn’t seem to be worried about that so I told her teacher lets go ahead with the award.  Calista did not know she was getting an award (from the school counselor, something about overcoming challenges) and I did not know she was getting another one (from her STEM teacher).  A total of having to go up on stage two times!  That’s a lot of attention for someone with social anxiety!

Winning

On Monday, as usual, I was picking the kids up from school when Calista got into the car beaming.  She was so excited to tell me that she had won a book from a visiting author that day.  Laura Martin author of Edge of Extinction The Art Plan was visiting their school to talk about writing , etc.  The gym was filled with the third and fourth grade classes, 200+ kids along with teachers.  The author was giving away two books that day for answering dinosaur trivia.  For the second question, Calista knew the answer so she raised her hand to talk in front of the whole gym of people.  She was not called on first, but lucky for her the first kid did not answer correctly. So she she was called on to try.  She knew the answer and was brave enough to raise her hand and talk! Her bravery paid off, she won the book! She was so excited and started reading it immediately that evening.  We are so proud of her, knowing this is something that is hard for people to do without selective mutism to do let alone one with SM. She continues to surprise us!

Back to School

Calista turned 10 a couple of weeks ago and has now started 4th grade.  Her last year in grade school. This year is going to be very different for her as she is not in the same class as her best friend.  We did this for a couple of reasons and it was ultimately Calista’s choice.  The teacher that her BFF wanted was not going to be a good fit as far as her teaching style for Calista.  So Calista made the decision to be with a different teacher that had a traditional style rather then be in the class with her BFF. I am so proud of her for making his decision.  This is also a great opportunity to transition from her BFF in getting ready for middle school where they would not be in every class together. One less transition for next year! She has already expressed concern about an overnight camping/ cabin class trip, famous Hoosiers speech/ presentation, and graduation.  So we will deal with these as they come.

As for the summer, Calista had a great one!  I sometimes forget what we used to have to go through with her.  For example, we went to visit a friend that Calista had not seen in a few years.  She needed absolutely no warm up time!  She was talking from the minute we walked in.  It wasn’t until later that night that I realized how just a  few years ago that visit would have been very different. With the first 45-60 minutes just trying to loosen her up.  Mike (her dad) has always been very good at goofing around with her to get her comfortable in these situations.

She continues to need prompting for thank yous but seems to do much better around strangers with this.  With us (her family and brother) we struggle with please, thank you and I’m sorry.  I know one day it will come and I am grateful for how much she has accomplished.

 

Video in music class

Calista’s music class composed their own song and made a video telling about how they did it, what they learned, and played it.  Calista volunteered to both have a speaking role and a playing role for this class video. These are just the clips Calista was in. Over the years her music teacher has been one of her biggest supporters of her and this made him so unbelievably happy and proud! We all were!

Calista says “It was fun to make our own video.”

Soon after this it was her class’s turn to be on the internal school morning news.  Each student would pair up and have a chance to be a news anchor for the school.  Calista passed on this, so there are still things she doesn’t feel comfortable doing.  She has come a long way!

Third Grade

Calista has reached the milestone of talking for over a year.  Meaning she has experienced everything from the first day of school to the last while talking. This is the given length of time needed to feel comfortable and talk in every situation throughout the year, knowing you have done it once with success makes it that much easier the next time.

Third grade did not start without grumpy days. Adjusting to a new teacher, some new peers, being upstairs in the school, and MUCH more responsibility, high expectations and more in-class work and of course more homework has been very hard.  However, she has settled in and has even made new friends and seems to enjoy school for the most part.

Calista continues to enjoy gymnastics. With that she has made some very mature decisions. Stating to me that sometimes she doesn’t feel like going but once she’s on the floor she is happy and has fun. She also decided to stay in her class right after school rather than change times.  This way she has her favorite teacher (so far, she has had about 4 and likes them all), despite it being a long day going straight from school to the gym, not getting home until 6 or later.

Big 5 Words: Over the past weeks, I have heard her say “thank you” without being prompted. This is another huge milestone as thanks is one of the big five words. The big five are Hi, Bye, Yes, No & Thanks. These are words expected from others to be used, creating those expectations also creates the highest anxiety to SM kids.

Summer of fun and Thank Yous

Calista had a wonderful summer.  We enjoyed many days at the pool where she did so much brave talking.  Just about each time we went she knew someone there from her school.  On several occasions she even initiated the play! She also did a wonderful job in swim lessons, talking to and getting to know her new swim coach and trusting her in the water to learn new strokes. The kids also participated in gymnastics this summer.  I think Calista was a little sad her best buddy was no longer doing gymnastics but she wanted to continue without her.

Calista spent a week again this summer with her Papa and Nana.  She also stayed at her other grandparents house overnight.  This she had never done before, since they live local we visit with them a lot but there is never a need to spend the night at their house.  So Calista and her younger brother did that a couple of times together.  She even did two nights in a row by herself.  I guess when you get treated like a princess, who wouldn’t?

Saying Thank you is one of the Big 5, meaning they are the most expected words therefore making them the hardest to get out for SM kids.  However, a number of times the opportunity arose where we prompted her for a “thank you” and she said it!

Calista had a very uninhibited summer!

  

Second grade Insect Expo

Calista sharing her part of the information on fireflies with parents and visitors! She does a great job, as you can hear it was very noisy with lots of people.

Catching up

Its been too long  since my last post.  The biggest reason is because Calista is doing awesome and there is not much to share.  Here are a few things that I thought to be noteworthy.

Market Day at school – Calista had to choose something to sell to the 1st & 2nd graders.  Each students set up a mini store at their desk.  She had to talk to a lot of kids and even teachers who came to her store. She said it was the best day ever!

Gymnastics – On show off day the girls made up short routines taking turns doing them in front of their class and any parents who were there.  She did a great job, even raising her hand to volunteer to go first! She told me afterwards that she had butterflies in her tummy but it was fun!

Ride to school- Our garage door broke on evening and we couldn’t even lift it manually to get a car out.  So I had to arrange for Calista to get a ride to school with a neighbor.  Our neighbor is also in her grade but has never been in the same class, so the girls are friendly.  Calista is familiar with the mom too.  This was the first time she had to ride to school with someone other than family.  I also had to tell her in the morning so she had little time to mentally prepare.  Again, no anxiety and she after school she said it was awesome!

Ride from school to gymnastics- Calista is in gymnastics after school.  Two other girls from her school also go at the same time so we have been carpooling.  Usually it is just Calista and her best buddy but this past week her buddy couldn’t go to gymnastics.  So when the other mom offered to drive I thought great then I only have to drive one way again but was worried since Calista doesn’t know them as well.  So I was a little surprised the next morning when I asked Calista if it would be OK to ride to gymnastics with the other friend, and she said sure with no hesitation!

Spending the night- This past weekend Calista and her brother spent the night together at their grandparents (the Bobo’s as the kids call them).  They live in town so we see them a lot but never spend the night there.  We have talked about it before and Calista has never been interested.  Some how this day the kids got it in there head that they were going to spend the night at the Bobos, and they did!  They both made it through the night, sleeping in separate rooms.

Many doors have opened this year with Calista.  There are many times Mike and I look at each other and say “who is this girl?”  I love to see her happy and doing what she wants and having FUN!  There are always little things that I notice but don’t think of writing about them.  I think she is going to have a great summer with her new found confidence and voice!